I was woke up by Peiqin sms.. and i couldnt get back to sleep.. i have no idea why do i keep perspiring.. my bed sheets are now wet.. i super dont like the feeling of gettin wake up...
recently have been tryin to live the way of a bodybuilder.. eating like 6 meals a day n everything.. lifting 5 days a week.. theres is one thing i still need to change.. which is my sleeping pattern... i cant keep waking up at 1130am.. its too late..
i was talkin to peiqin on the phone.. didnt know why i will ended up on her facebook... good to see she is doing well... things that happen around me.. made me realise that she was really a nice gal.. realise that i might not even find a gal who comes close to her... im startin to worry i might really need to get a overseas bride.. hahaha.. sometimes when u lose something then u start to realise its importance..
somehow i think i realli changed.. by shifting my focus onto something else i really change.. things that occupied my mind now is abt gym... i told myself im gonna devote this holiday to gym n achieve the maximum i can achieve... and now i think im doing pretty well..
the sun is going to come up soon.. and i have work later.. just pray hard i can sleep.. come to think abt it.. in one way or another i think im startin to miss her.. startin to ponder what love is realli like... does two person get together solely out of love... what happen to the not-think-so-much mentality... maybe i should ask her out this sunday n catch up on things... but right now i realli need some sleep.. Nights...
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
25th Jul 2009
Bodybuilding is a very superficial sport.. How good or how bad with a glance it will show.. ppl dont respect ur weight ya carrying.. they just respect how big u are... disgustingly true.. if ya big.. people will be polite to u.. ppl will share weights with u.. ppl will call u brother.. fuck this shit.. therefore im going to motivate myself to be big n strong.. so i can just have my quiet n peacful workouts...
today arm training was good... the new blend of workout drink was good... everything was good.. im starting to love gym more n more.. till a stage when im going to be obsess with it.. startin to find that actually now i love myself more n more.. in a way that i havnt find someone i will actually wanna spend time with now... there will be maybe later.. but not now...
Ah fatt pass away last night... 24th Jul.. I put him to sleep to end his suffering... i thought i could take it... i thought i could accompany through the last few moments... but i was too weak to handle this... i got all emotional.. I didnt know that did i did the right thing.. but somehow i think that my family have been very unfair to him.. the amount of love i can give to him is limited.. I didnt know as through all these years i grow so attached to him.. till now i still think of him as family.. the worst thing is that somehow i find that im responsible.. i pull the trigger.. i made the choice for him... but somehow i really love him... and im gonna miss him badly.. still have the feeling like he is around.. subconsciously i will look at the door.. pay special attention to the unique sounds he always make.. somehow.... i cried....
its been awhile since i cry.. it appears to most ppl that im a strong person.. i dont realli cry... the last time i cried was when i broke up with jasmine.. b4 that.. i couldnt realli remember.. somehow i feel humane that moment..
his departure make me realise alot of stuff.. alot of existing problems within my family.. i love my dad.. but there are somethings i just cant stand about him.. but i still love him alot... cause i can realli feel his unconditional love since young..
somehow if i have the guts to end the life of someone i love so much... what else am i incapable for...
Love u always...
today arm training was good... the new blend of workout drink was good... everything was good.. im starting to love gym more n more.. till a stage when im going to be obsess with it.. startin to find that actually now i love myself more n more.. in a way that i havnt find someone i will actually wanna spend time with now... there will be maybe later.. but not now...
Ah fatt pass away last night... 24th Jul.. I put him to sleep to end his suffering... i thought i could take it... i thought i could accompany through the last few moments... but i was too weak to handle this... i got all emotional.. I didnt know that did i did the right thing.. but somehow i think that my family have been very unfair to him.. the amount of love i can give to him is limited.. I didnt know as through all these years i grow so attached to him.. till now i still think of him as family.. the worst thing is that somehow i find that im responsible.. i pull the trigger.. i made the choice for him... but somehow i really love him... and im gonna miss him badly.. still have the feeling like he is around.. subconsciously i will look at the door.. pay special attention to the unique sounds he always make.. somehow.... i cried....
its been awhile since i cry.. it appears to most ppl that im a strong person.. i dont realli cry... the last time i cried was when i broke up with jasmine.. b4 that.. i couldnt realli remember.. somehow i feel humane that moment..
his departure make me realise alot of stuff.. alot of existing problems within my family.. i love my dad.. but there are somethings i just cant stand about him.. but i still love him alot... cause i can realli feel his unconditional love since young..
somehow if i have the guts to end the life of someone i love so much... what else am i incapable for...
Love u always...
Monday, July 20, 2009
21th July 2009
today as usually.. i was readin my FHM when i was in the toilet... thats the problem with men... they must read n crap at the same time.. then i came across this article.. typical what singapore women will say.. sg men are egoistic yap yap yap... why are there no articles abt singapore men critising sg women.... i think seriously i think they should start increasin their vocab.. its always the same thing...
over at mum's place i met a very cute chiwawa name Zantra.. she was damn cute.. a "people" dog.. she was lickin me all over.. reminds me of my old poor dog... old and sick.. miss those days where he was as active.. really pains my hearts to see him these days.. sometime i just which god can just take him away.. i believe he will have less pain this way..
15 weeks left... getting stronger day by day.. currently i love my life very much.. everyday i have something meaningful to do... hope this just continues... hope no one or nothing will upset it...
over at mum's place i met a very cute chiwawa name Zantra.. she was damn cute.. a "people" dog.. she was lickin me all over.. reminds me of my old poor dog... old and sick.. miss those days where he was as active.. really pains my hearts to see him these days.. sometime i just which god can just take him away.. i believe he will have less pain this way..
15 weeks left... getting stronger day by day.. currently i love my life very much.. everyday i have something meaningful to do... hope this just continues... hope no one or nothing will upset it...
Thursday, July 9, 2009
10th July 2009
my stuff have not arrived yet~~ so depress... hahaha anyway Qianhui tell me she is coming back to SG for good means i have another friend to crap with..
it has been two days since i last contact her.. Peet told me say he wish i and her will be together.. i wished too.. but what i wished for is a proper relationship.. maybe when she knows what she wants and maybe im ready for it.. so where fate brings us go.. maybe she had found a new guy and im already past tense..
today went to a new cafe at siglap.. sells nice cheesecake with nice decor.. one of the few places that u can brings dates to.. rather then the boring movies, shopping n aimless dates..
my finances lately had been great.. i have not been overspending nor have i been saving extra.. but its a good sign la.. at least my end meet..
have been meeting some new people lately... expanding my social circle.. hopefully i wont be a loner anymore..muhahah sob sob~~
somehow i see jasmine had been doing fine.. she seems happy with clement.. finally did he diving stuff.. happy for her.. well hopefully few years down the road we can start talkin like friends and no longer like strangers who dont realli know each other.. its just so weird.. once so close and now total strangers...
as times goes by.. as i grow older.. beauty seems to be overrated.. somehow i find that gals with personality is much more attractive.. simple gals who can go through thick n thin will be ideal.. it would be a plus point if theres a connection.. ultimately, such a ideal companion is hard to find.. through these months i have realize something call fate.. sometimes u just have to wait n be patient.. at the end of the day its all worth it.. rather then going around tryin to establish this man made relationship n hopefully it will work.. im too tense.. in life i must know how to sit back n relac when it comes to some stuff... chill~~ im still young... even by 30 i still can always get a thai or vietnam wife.. talkin about thais... i met this very interestin thai family.. this kid was looking for a book and me n my collgues offered him help.. and he was thankful so he say thank you in thai and show a thank you gesture when he leaves and told me that its thai.. of course i know its thai.. feel much more familar with the culture.. i still think thai gals make nice wifes..
it has been two days since i last contact her.. Peet told me say he wish i and her will be together.. i wished too.. but what i wished for is a proper relationship.. maybe when she knows what she wants and maybe im ready for it.. so where fate brings us go.. maybe she had found a new guy and im already past tense..
today went to a new cafe at siglap.. sells nice cheesecake with nice decor.. one of the few places that u can brings dates to.. rather then the boring movies, shopping n aimless dates..
my finances lately had been great.. i have not been overspending nor have i been saving extra.. but its a good sign la.. at least my end meet..
have been meeting some new people lately... expanding my social circle.. hopefully i wont be a loner anymore..muhahah sob sob~~
somehow i see jasmine had been doing fine.. she seems happy with clement.. finally did he diving stuff.. happy for her.. well hopefully few years down the road we can start talkin like friends and no longer like strangers who dont realli know each other.. its just so weird.. once so close and now total strangers...
as times goes by.. as i grow older.. beauty seems to be overrated.. somehow i find that gals with personality is much more attractive.. simple gals who can go through thick n thin will be ideal.. it would be a plus point if theres a connection.. ultimately, such a ideal companion is hard to find.. through these months i have realize something call fate.. sometimes u just have to wait n be patient.. at the end of the day its all worth it.. rather then going around tryin to establish this man made relationship n hopefully it will work.. im too tense.. in life i must know how to sit back n relac when it comes to some stuff... chill~~ im still young... even by 30 i still can always get a thai or vietnam wife.. talkin about thais... i met this very interestin thai family.. this kid was looking for a book and me n my collgues offered him help.. and he was thankful so he say thank you in thai and show a thank you gesture when he leaves and told me that its thai.. of course i know its thai.. feel much more familar with the culture.. i still think thai gals make nice wifes..
Monday, July 6, 2009
7th Jul 2009
Im just so amazed... She asked me to go back to her.. seems like hmmmm not a bad deal... but still no... anyway we exchange a few sms... apparently shes still the same person.. anyway i was hunrgy so i asked her out for supper.. she was on the phone talkin to loudly when i met her.. somehow i was disgusted by her actions.. then i can see on a few occasions she tried to squeeze out a few tears.. somehow i figured out why she send me the sms.... she was talkin to ginnie.. and somehow i can figure it out what they are talkin about.. so i guess she wanted to use me again.. but so sorry not this time.. somehow i was reminded of the incident again.. when jas was with me she met her ex and she thank me for it.. cause she can finally confrimed that she dont love him anymore.. similarly yes.. i dont too..
she asked me to call her back when i got home.. there was awkward silence.. cause i will usually say " call u for what" she wait a while.. but somehow i nodded n just got on the cab... and am i going to call her? nope... she probably asked every guy in the club to call her when they got home.. anyway thats it... hahaha its over..
i really applause her for going the extra mile on tryin to use me again.. nice try.. but im not going to buy that again.. is just that throughout these roughly an hour of meeting.. there wasnt love affection or anything... just disgust and more disgust on how fake people can get.. tryin to squeeze out tears.. tryin to win the sympathy vote.. maybe she realli wanted to cry but the tears was definitely not for me...
she asked me to call her back when i got home.. there was awkward silence.. cause i will usually say " call u for what" she wait a while.. but somehow i nodded n just got on the cab... and am i going to call her? nope... she probably asked every guy in the club to call her when they got home.. anyway thats it... hahaha its over..
i really applause her for going the extra mile on tryin to use me again.. nice try.. but im not going to buy that again.. is just that throughout these roughly an hour of meeting.. there wasnt love affection or anything... just disgust and more disgust on how fake people can get.. tryin to squeeze out tears.. tryin to win the sympathy vote.. maybe she realli wanted to cry but the tears was definitely not for me...
Saturday, July 4, 2009
5th Jul 2009
Ended.. everything have ended.. i wonder will she even contact me.. somehow i feel guilty.. but such an outcome is inevitable.. somehow i have alot of mixed feelings about my decision but i shall stand firm.. for the pain is only temporary...
surprising the person i least expected was there to listen me crap when i was at my lowest.. touched.. actually im rather surprise by myself that for once i didnt realli became too emtional..
somehow i just wish her all the best thats the least i can do.. just hope i can keep myself busy n she wont call or text me.. then everything will be gone soon enough..
everything will be fine after a few good meals.. everything will be just fine..
surprising the person i least expected was there to listen me crap when i was at my lowest.. touched.. actually im rather surprise by myself that for once i didnt realli became too emtional..
somehow i just wish her all the best thats the least i can do.. just hope i can keep myself busy n she wont call or text me.. then everything will be gone soon enough..
everything will be fine after a few good meals.. everything will be just fine..
Friday, July 3, 2009
4th Jul 2009
today i started to formulate that sinister plot.. i dont know why i suddenly of have this feeling.. the feeling of lettin her taste her own medicine.. anyway i think everything should come to an end.. i wont have time to entertain her bullshit.. emotionally physically n financially..
my bodybuilding conquest is going to start soon.. i think i should stay focus n achieve what i want so i can kiss the small weak old benjamin away.. when it starts i will have a hard time juggling gym, work, friends, family n etc.. moreover come to think about it.. its going no where.. despite the few wonderful days.. i cant stand the constant no reply sms.. the dunno whereabouts.. the only when i need u phone calls... the constand communication break down.. and the lack of trust.. after putting in so much efforts for these few days i still see no change.. still can manage to realli change everything despit realli giving my almost all.. what more can i do...
tomorrow is seriously a big question mark.. hope i dont receive any phone calls or smses.. n i shall not call or sms her anymore... i need everythig to be back on track before things start to fall apart...
i hate the lonely nights where im alone n start to think alot.. and theres no one on my msn list that i can talk to.. i found the best solution... sleep early...
Bye Miss Sranya ... Wish u all the best...
my bodybuilding conquest is going to start soon.. i think i should stay focus n achieve what i want so i can kiss the small weak old benjamin away.. when it starts i will have a hard time juggling gym, work, friends, family n etc.. moreover come to think about it.. its going no where.. despite the few wonderful days.. i cant stand the constant no reply sms.. the dunno whereabouts.. the only when i need u phone calls... the constand communication break down.. and the lack of trust.. after putting in so much efforts for these few days i still see no change.. still can manage to realli change everything despit realli giving my almost all.. what more can i do...
tomorrow is seriously a big question mark.. hope i dont receive any phone calls or smses.. n i shall not call or sms her anymore... i need everythig to be back on track before things start to fall apart...
i hate the lonely nights where im alone n start to think alot.. and theres no one on my msn list that i can talk to.. i found the best solution... sleep early...
Bye Miss Sranya ... Wish u all the best...
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